Leilani attended both Ohio State University and Kent State University and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in fine and professional arts. She has primarily been writing speeches for the past 3 ½ years and it was her speech writing that brought her to the Greater Canton Writers’ Guild in 2008. She is also active in Toastmasters, Inc. and has placed second in competition with her speech “Germus Operandi.”
Germus Operandi
2009 WinnerYou know the type: they rub their noses with their entire arm, then they take their hands and rub their nose in a circular motion. Just to add more emphasis, they cough as hard as they can into their palm. Then they expect you to shake their hand? They are surprised when you do not shake back and give you the look that your mother raised you wrong! This sounds so familiar to me. That is because this used to be me. Hand rubbing, in your face coughing and then trying to shake your hand when I had no business even being out in public with a cold.
Something started to change for me one day. I started to feel more and more alone in this world as a non-germ-phobe. I never realized how much of a non-germ-phobe I was until I recently had a coworker tell me that she would kill me if I gave her my cold. Kill me? Is that what friends are for?
Bummed out and alone from my co workers reaction, I decided I wasn’t in the mood to make dinner that night. Instead I went to my favorite diner, where my favorite waiter, Booger, happens to work. As I was waiting for my food I observed Booger working. Up until that night, I never realized how much he rubbed his face and his hair with his hands. That got me thinking seriously to myself. What makes the difference between an average Joe and a “GI Joe”, A.K.A. a Germ Intolerable Joe?
The difference is effort! Lots and lots of effort!
I left the diner that night and contemplated a bit more. Could I actually becoming sensitive to the germ fears that have infected my closest friends? Where does this fear of germs come from? I think the fear of germs starts in today’s schools. My cousin is a teacher, but not just any teacher, she is a self confessed GI Joe. She admitted that when she was growing up that she boiled the comb she shared with her sister each time her sister used it. I asked my germ-phobe cousin what she does to keep the germs at bay in the classroom. She has ten germ rules – my three favorite: Every child must bring a mechanical pencil to school, there is no public pencil sharpener in her classroom. Second, There is no sharing of crayons, ever. Third, There are no birthday candles on birthday cakes, do you know how many germs are spread by blowing out candles? Neither did I! What is this world coming to? I would definitely have a fear of germs if I was in school today. The only thing I had to deal with in school was a little dance and sing song phrase to the boys that would chase the girls on the playground in grade school: Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot now I have my coody shot!
As an adult today, the fear of germs, fungi and bacteria is everywhere. We go to the grocery store and as soon as you walk in the grocery store they have anti germ wipes for you grocery cart handles. Just a few aisles into the store there is a row of anti germ soaps and lotions. Did you know that today there are over 700 anti germ products on the market? I was in New York this past summer and found one of the best anti germ marketing campaigns from Keri products. I was riding the subway and noticed different ads. One read: The subway, where trillions of germs travel daily. My favorite ad reads: The person who just touched that pole is named Sal. Sal Monelia. I found myself quickly falling pray to the propaganda spread by the fear of germs. I found myself walking of the subway dodging germs. Worse yet, I was naming the germs.
“Jump – it is strepticocouses!”
“Get down – it is the staph infection!”
“Sir step away from the germ – it’s a histoplasma!”
I was turning into a freak quickly. I started to catch myself though and wondered, how do I avoid becoming like Howie Mandle who is known to have built a guest house so that he could stay there when his children fell sick?
I started to do my research and I found out that germs are everywhere. Germs are in the water we drink the surfaces we touch and the air we breathe. I also found that we need germs – good and bad. We need germs so that we can build up our immune systems so that when we get sick it is easier to fight off infection.
Everyone can rest easy, I am back to my old non-germ-phobe self, but I do take responsibility for my actions. For that reason, it is my responsibility as a citizen of society to leave you with my disclaimer. This is for all Joe’s – Average Joe’s and GI Joe’s alike. The above information does not leave you exempt from taking care to follow proper hygiene standards. Always, wash your hands after going to the bathroom. Always disinfect surfaces after preparing meat and poultry. Finally, no matter what, if you don’t learn anything else from me today please remember to never, ever, no matter how hard you have to try, never flush the toilet without first putting the toilet seat lid down. Do you know what happens to your tooth brush? Ewwwwwwww!